It’s no secret that I’m not a strong proponent of the social media world. Although I love an artistic #foodporn ‘gram just as much as the next person, I kept finding that all of the prettiness on Pinterest, the inspiration on Instagram and the fabrication on Facebook was creating a disconnect in my spirit between what was real and what was a projection of real. When I was active on social media, I realized that I spent so much time inundated with images of what life was supposed to be like, feel like and look like, that I felt terribly let down when I actually experienced it. Sometimes when you spend so much time thinking about what it’s supposed to be like, it turns out the anticipation was better than reality because the expectations were heightened and measured against a curated collection of best moments—moments that are filtered and altered.
Photo by Brittany Hansen
My expectations were exceeding reality, running 10 steps ahead of where I was actually at. It became almost impossible for me to be present and show up to what was really my life. I knew that the present was a gift, but it was a gift that I carelessly tossed aside wanting more, better, shinier and more perfect. So I made the decision to give it up. I was tired of being disappointed by my real life, I was tired of chasing, I was tired of being distracted and mindless, I was tired of connecting with people through status updates, and I was tired of not minding my own business.
But was it just me? Was social media the problem or was there something deeply rooted in me that was triggered by or through social media? Was it how other people behaved on social media that was the problem or was the problem actually my reaction or response to those people? Was social media responsible for my distracted and wandering heart or was I using it as an escape from my ordinary life? I go round and round with these questions and to be fair, I don’t think that Facebook and Instagram are necessarily harmful on their own…I think that they can provoke some unhealthy habits and thought patterns. So I wanted to see how it was affecting everyone else. I asked my followers on the Grace Under Fire Facebook page (the irony is not lost on me) to weigh in on these questions: What is the hardest thing for you about social media or what do you struggle with the most on Facebook and Instagram?
Here’s what you told me:
“The hardest thing for me on social media is looking at exes or old flings and comparing yourself and life to their new you and life.”
“Looking at old pictures and comparing your body, your friends and your life to the old times is really hard. You never take a picture of yourself when you’re angry or upset. It’s always showboating how amazing your life, friends, boyfriend and family are.”
“I hate when people try to sell stuff [on social media] and when people act one way on social media and completely different in person.”
“I struggle with people using it solely to sell their products and get you to join with them. It’s a fine line, but some people go overboard and their posts makes us feel like we’re not good enough the way we are.”
“What I struggle with the most is how desensitized I’ve become to what I see on social media. Like when you find out on Facebook that a really close friend is having a baby but half of your Facebook feed is friends having babies. And it’s not that I’m not excited for my friend but being bombarded with it all makes it less fun.”
“I find myself blindly scrolling through my feed because I generally already know what I’m going to see.”
“I definitely struggle the most with how social media has become an addiction. It’s distracting us from the real world and taking us away from enjoying life itself. I struggle with the fact that social media consumes our world and our eyes. I miss the days when people wrote cards to one another and called each other on house phones to hang out.”
“What bothers me the more is the pressure people put on themselves. How many likes? Is my hair perfect? How’s my outfit? I have to “proof” what goes on my account. I am bothered by people that put pressure on themselves to be perfect.”
“I always feel like I’m behind. Most people post everything they have and how wonderful life is and sometimes I feel like I should be at that point in my life, too. It’s hard to remember that the news feed is people’s highlight tape, when behind the scenes, they may be going through the same kinds of things that you are.”
“It’s sad that people rely on electronic “likes” to build their self esteem.”
“The thing that bothers me most is how people use it to vent and be negative. Facebook was created for networking and positive use.”
“What bothers me would probably be seeing negativity, drama or politics on Facebook.”
“The main thing I hate about social media is how much time I waste scrolling.”
“It can be annoying and disappointing when people portray their lives to be something they’re not.”
Here’s What I Learned…
Social media is not a problem for everyone which surprised me. To be honest, I thought when I asked people what they struggled with on social media, everyone would come back with a resounding consensus that social media was making them unhappy with their life. But that wasn’t the case. While everyone was able to come up with a few attributes about Facebook or Instagram that they didn’t particularly care for, many of the issues they had were annoyances and pet peeves rather than what I would categorize as struggles. That changed my perspective to not necessarily place the blame on the entity of social media itself but instead grasp that the “social media cocktail” is what’s troublesome.
The social media cocktail is the name I use for when social media collides with an insecurity, a vulnerability, or a wound that we’ve buried. Social media tends to bring those insecurities, vulnerabilities and wounds to the surface but instead of confronting what we’re feeling and why we’re feeling it, we often project the blame on how other people are using Facebook and Instagram. It seems that people who have a good grasp on who they are and who intentionally surround themselves with positive people aren’t as affected by what they see on Facebook. I’ve noticed that stepping away from social media for a couple of years on a personal level has allowed me to step back and learn to appreciate the success of others without questioning my own talents and to cheer for people with a genuine desire to see everyone do well. I couldn’t have said that about myself a few years ago.
There are so many worthy things about social media that I love and admire. I couldn’t do much on this blog without it. I love using it as a space to reach out to people, to spread encouragement and to learn. I think, depending on how you use it, it has the potential to be a space where you can grow and network and open your mind to new ideas, possibilities and people. I think it has the potential to be like running a marathon where your people stand on the sidelines and genuinely cheer you on while you run your race. I hope it’s like that for you. And I hope that if it isn’t, you at least make a few modifications to how you’re using it and who you’re surrounding yourself with on there.
I’m in no way against social media or think that everyone should stay off of it. I think that moderation is important and that it’s important to understand how it makes YOU feel and why it makes you feel that way. If you don’t think you could ever go cold turkey from Facebook or Instagram, consider turning off the notifications and removing the app from the main screen on your phone. Whatever you do and however you use it, try to stay present in your moment instead of dreaming about someone else’s moments. This is the only life that you get. You get one chance at this. Don’t waste your life consumed in someone else’s.
“Dont use social media to impress people, use it to impact people.” -Dave Willis